THIS MOMENT

You were born exactly 1 year ago today, this moment, this minute. We will never forget this feeling...

On October 14th, 2008 we were called by Hannah at 130am to tell us you were coming... Two weeks early! We left Tennessee at 330am (NO SLEEP since the night of the 12th and after a full day of work for both mommy and daddy) bound for Atlanta, more specifically, Marietta Georgia. As we drove, I tried to sleep a little but was WAY too excited/scared/nervous so I more 'rested'. We talked about the fact that in the next few hours we would finally be parents, 9 1/2 years after our parental journey began in 1999. We had just met Courtney (who also goes by Brooke) 2 weeks before and felt a strong bond with her instantly, as if we were having a reunion instead of meeting the first time. She very much felt the same. We wondered how she was doing, now in labor with you and prayed the whole 3 1/2 hour drive that you and she would be ok through the labor AND hoped we'd make it in time to see you be born (as was her wish that we be in the labor room). We got there at about 8 or 830am (eastern time) and you waited for us! Courtney was exhausted from being in labor all night so she was in and out of sleep while 'Charmed' blared from the T.V. and the temperature was set to FRIGID for her comfort. ;) We took a few pictures of Courtney in labor as I held her hand before things really picked up. The time flew. Even though we had been there for an hour or so, it seemed like only moments before it was time for you to be born so we got ready... I was on Courtney's left, holding her hand and talking calmly in her ear to push and counted to 10 during her contractions. After no epidural and a few big pushes we could see the top of your head! I couldn't believe it. Your hair looked a little dark and curly. A few more pushes and your exhausted birth mommy pushed you out! She was tired but excited for us. She looked at me and said "Your Son! Your son is here" and cried. She called to Michael who was sitting behind me and told him to come see his 'son'. It was a blur of Michael cutting your umbilical cord and being whisked over to see you cleaned off, measured and weighed. I didn't know what to do. I felt an obligation to Courtney to not just snatch you and run but also I felt no right to you yet as you had just come from her body and who am I but a willing woman to be your mother. I finally took my camera out and captured the moment:

My bond to you began. They asked me to cut your cord also (the one close to where your belly button would be later). We were whisked away again, this time in the room next door to Courtney where you were swaddled, placed in our arms and told to feed you. We didn't know what to think. You were crying and new and strange. We had never done this before and smiled at your cries for lack of anything else to do. We prayed silent prayers of thanks that you were here and healthy and continued to pray for Courtney on the other side of the wall. We politely took turns holding you, staring at you, hugging you, memorizing you (in case someone took you back), opening our heart to you and imagining the life we could give you, if this was real.

We were requested by Courtney to come see her. Originally she told us that she heard it might be better for her if she didn't hold you so she wouldn't bond with you. She prayed to know that she was doing the right thing to place you for adoption and she prayed to know if we were your parents and she didn't want to take that away from us. As we entered her room, I was pulled in by the love we shared with each other and with YOU, Evan Robert Stuteville. I said, "Wouldn't you like to hold him?" She said yes and took you in her arms. There were tears of love and awe from both of us. I was so glad she wanted to hold you and wasn't afraid. She said "You are a miracle, I created a miracle!" and smiled at Mike and I, proud that Evan was ours. She soon gave you back so she could rest and sleep finally and we were able to watch you get your first sponge bath.

This first day was so overwhelming with newness. We didn't know where to go, what to do and barely what our names where. We were exhausted too. You were taken to the nursery where we held you some more and started our dreams for you.

You are our dream come true. I have dreamed of you for many years. Your daddy thought he might like a baby but I know he had no idea that he would LOVE you so much. As all parents do, we hope you will reach for every star you see, capture it and let it shine out for your good and the good of those who cross your path. We pray you will have integrity, love God and Jesus Christ, be educated academically and socially. We already know you are beautiful on the outside, very funny on the inside and we cannot wait to see all the adventures you will go on, alone, with us and with any/all the siblings we hope to bless you with in the future. You are the first so you represent the hopes and dreams we have for all the children welcomed in our home. We love you babe. Thank you for choosing us in heaven, we will try to be worthy of being your parents or parents at all. We love you!

Sincerely, Momma and Dadda

First self portrait, Family Photo - taken 10.20.2008 9:37pm