New Adoption Caseworker

We had our meeting with our new caseworker Dave this morning from 8am -10am (we all had to wake up early for that one. Evan doesn't get up till 9-930 normally). Our meeting today was for us to get to know each other and start the process to be an "approved" adoptive couple again. The reason they have to do this before every adoption is to be sure you didn't become a different (bad) person since the last time. For Dave, he was meeting us for the first time so it was a little more formal then I expected. Still we rolled with it. Part of the 'interview' was inspecting our house to be sure we have safety precautions in place for a child as deemed this time by the state of KY. Of which we will be borrowing their adoption licencing till the Church is able to put a LDSFS Tennessee Agency in place. We passed the home inspection! lol. No biggie but it gets us a step closer to being approved which if we are punctual, we can be approved by the first week of June. After that, we will be making pass along cards, a separate blog for birth mothers and "advertising" on a site called Parent Profiles. What we have learned from our first adoption is not to sit and wait (not that we did, we were very pro-active but) so this time we will be more on top of getting the word out and explaining what you can do to help us when the time is right. So go ahead and start feeling supportive cause we want our process to go as smooth as possible. This process is not for the faint of heart. I look forward to exercising my faith again and building on my testimony that our Heavenly Father DOES want us to have the righteous desires of our hearts. Now, if only he could grow my house a little bigger to fit all my righteous desires in? ;) xoxo

Neeeeew caseworker....

So, this morning at the ungoshly hour of 730ish, our house phone rang. I don't answer the house phone often as despite signing up for the non telemarketing thingamajig, they still squeak through. So, as I pryed my eyeball open from it's very sleepiness, I noticed it said "Indianapolis, Indiana" just before I quickly picked it up then hung up (so not to wake my baby but too late) on, 'the telemarketer'. Then I shot up and said, "That could be our new caseworker!" lol Thankfully he called right back.
We had a GREAT conversation and do feel the blessings of not giving up. He also called yesterday afternoon and left a message at the house (which I didn't know till a few minutes ago). That means, HE tried to call US, TWICE in a 24 hour period! I feel spoiled!! lol ;) he he. Anyway, he listened, he talked he layed it out there. I told him any tedious tasks he assigns will help us feel like we going in the right direction while he gets acclimated to Tennessee Adoptions and his new families he will be working with. It feels like it did when we started to work with Matt Watson in the beginning and that is really a great feeling. We will get to meet him to get our "Home Study" updated, in about 2 weeks (same week my sister Jenalyn and family are coming to visit but before they get here). We are grateful he is willing to come from Indiana to help us, it is so refreshing. We are praying for him to be able to get the Tennessee licensure he's requesting and for him to have ease in getting acclimated quickly with the Tennessee families he is now representing. Ahhhhhh....... It really does feel like a breath of fresh air, just in time for spring. Perfect timing. Thank you for all our kind words, thoughts and prayers. For those of you not aware of the process, although this is good news, the next steps are a little slow to getting ourselves actually 'Approved' for our next Adoption but stay with us, we know it is this way and understand it. When we are "Approved" I will post that and we can all start sending the word out more that we are 'looking for our next child' to join our family. xoxo

Last Caseworker Visit!

So, last Wednesday was our last supervisory visit from our Caseworker, Christopher. Whoo Hoo. Not only that, he informed us that because of restructuring in our agency, he will no longer be our future caseworker!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, likely it will be Hannah who he told us didn't think we "seemed engaged in the process" at the time of Evan's birth/placement. So, we don't know whether this will be better but she appears to be much more capable for our next adoption (after Evan turns 1).
Anyway, he said, he would send the appropriate paperwork to our attorney this week for us to move forward with finalization! We are getting very anxious and excited to see this come to pass. Our attorney, also named Christopher (but with a bedside manor) said it traditionally takes 30 days from when the paperwork is submitted (next week?). We are still praying it all gets finished in enough time for us to be finalized before leaving for our California visit May 19th.
We are really looking forward to going to the temple with our son to be sealed for "Time and All Eternity". We cannot wait for everyone to meet Evan and hope they are equally excited. There will be LOTS of pictures so be prepared for that. ;)

Preparing to move on....

So, Michael and I have been really... confused for the past few days. I've had tears and anger, peace and love. I can only speak for myself on this but I was letting myself be more hurt by the email sent then in the information in it. I also have to fight myself to not blame or condemn our caseworker. From the beginning of our relationship (1 year) with him, we've had trouble with our communication. We didn't' hear from him for a few months when he first took over for the last Agency Director and emails would take TWO weeks to be answered without so much as an "I'm out of the office, contact 555.5555 for assistance". Honestly, I have to come to the conclusion that it is Satan keeping us from working with him cause he doesn't want us to get our child this way. Only Satan can give me these feelings and I pray everyday for them to leave my mind cause it gets me nowhere. It's difficult cause Christopher doesn't know the emotional toll it takes on us (though he should learn). At the beginning, it was scary cause we thought we were going to have a baby in 24/48hours. Then within a week, we found out it'd be longer so we tried not to get attached in case she changed her mind. Next we almost lost her when we didn't hear from the birth mother, then got a very positive reconnection when she miraculously answered the phone! At that time we decided to throw ourselves into it. I bought some clothes for her to sleep in and 2 outfits that weren't pajamas, some bottles to get me started... Over time, we decided to let our friends plan a HUGE 'shower/open house' for when we would for sure be back and I registered. It took a lot to let ourselves do it and it wasn't as exciting cause it's clouded under IF's and MAYBE's of when and if the baby is ours even. I had to register alone and was overwhelmed by the process (wish I felt like I could ask a friend but didn't think I could handle their excitement over something i know is a maybe). Everyday, I'd be like, "we could have a baby next week" or "Friday, our baby could be born". We thought of names but wouldn't/couldn't tell them cause we didn't want a name we love to be floating out there if it didn't work out (always cautious in adoption). When I read the email from Christopher on Friday, i was crushed! I was sooo mad immediately that I could hardly concentrate on the fact that it could be real that "C" had changed her mind etc. Michael, the logical half of our marriage, calmed me down and talked me into waiting to reem Christopher till Tuesday after the holiday weekend. I assigned him the task as he was able to put aside his emotion.
Today Michael talked to him. He expressed that it would have been better if he would have called with that information and Christopher understood. He is a very nice man, don't get us wrong, but it think it must be difficult for him to put himself in our place. I'm sure he must think we are high maintenance with our lectures (the 2nd time we've had to communicate to him our 'challenges') but we supported each others desire that he know how we felt. I'm glad that is over.
Last night I was feeling better, upbeat almost but still hopeful about the baby despite everything working against it happening. I had an honest and sincere conversation with Heavenly Father that if she is not meant to come to our home, to please take the feeling away from me. I had a great nights sleep for once and woke up peaceful and happy. To me that doesn't mean she isn't ours and it also doesn't mean she is, just that I feel satisfied that what will be, will be and it's ok for me to move on. I wasn't going to give myself permission for that since this all felt like a repeat of the depression after YEARS of failed fertility treatments. But I don't want to give up. I just want to have our children and I'm not going to get them by lying down so I'm moving forward, without forgetting about this little girl. I'm not getting her or anyone by being negative so I'm working hard to stay on the positive. We are also praying that, this baby will be smart and strong and make a difference in her families life, wherever that may be. We hope her mother is safe too as for all we know, she could feel threatened or unsafe and that is why she has yet again, dropped out of site.
Please forgive me for being negative about the email. It doesn't make me feel good to feel that way even though it is obviously insensitive. I'm forgiving him and myself and I hope those of you reading this and praying for us will support that. We are humbled every day by this process and this is just a GIANT step in our path to our children. Thank you for your patience today, we are praying every night for all of you to get the blessings you need as you pray for us. You are our blessing right now. Love you!