One year ago today...

... Our caseworker 'emailed' us (enough said) to inform us that the little African American girl that we had been chosen to adopt and was due that day... "looks like it is't going to happen". This was understandably devastating news to both of us. I sat on my couch, staring at the ready bassinet we had brought down from the attic and lovingly cleaned and prepared for our baby that we expected to be born at any moment. I flashed back to all the prayers of my own and others and all the faith and trust we put in Heavenly Father that 'she' would be ours. We were ready to name her when we got her, when it was real. I crocheted her a blanket in pink/green variegated cammo colors and bought her some clothes for the first week we would have to be in Georgia. I dreamed about her life as she grew in my heart. I anticipated the challenges of being white parents with a black child but it didn't matter to us. We knew she would be a child of God and it doesn't matter what our children's' skin color is. If others tried to make an issue of it, we felt confident in what we would have to say. The comments about adoption alone were crazy enough. Anyway, in the midst of the sadness and loss, we felt peace. We prayed immediately for peace and for understanding. Even though we don't know what happened or why Charmaine, the birth mother did not place her child with us, we were O.K. We also prayed immediately that wherever this little girl was, she would be a joy to her family and an example of goodness. We prayed she would be special and make a difference for herself and her family. After all, she had people all over the United States and other countries, praying for her and that couldn't be for nothing. So here's to you, our almost little girl, on maybe your birthday... We love you. We pray for you and hope you are healthy and happy. We pray that your mommy is too and is grateful every day that she kept you.
Adoption: It's About Love.

Smarty Pants

This kid is something else. The other day Michael was mowing the lawn and Evan is only just now realizing it. I took him to the front yard to see what his Daddy's doing when he's making all that racket. He was mesmerized!!! (he's a future man alright) So when we went back in the house I started to prepare him for when Michael came from the front to the back yard. I showed Evan to go to his bedroom window to see Daddy. He came but didn't know we were there waving! boo. So then I left Evan in his room cause Michael had gone back to the front yard and I needed finish work emails. When I heard Mike sound like he was going to the back from the front, I yelled to Evan that "Daddy's coming to the back yard!" He stopped what he was playing with cause he'd heard the mower too and made his way to the window by quickly crawling then clamored up the wall to the sill. NO DADDY! He faked us out a few times so Evan had lost interest. I finally went outside and with a mixture of yelling and 'sign language', told Mike what we were trying to do and he prepared to come around. I finally got what I wanted even if it took awhile but the best part was Evan recognizing the sound, that it was coming and it meant he got to see his daddy! ;) It was priceless for his mommy. Hopefully this video is the one that shows the multi fake outs. Later I can try to load the success. ;)

part 1

part 2

i feel the best...

... when i wake up in the morning to my husband rubbing my back (sometimes)
... when we to get our babbling baby in the morning, open the door and he's standing waiting for us to open it and he starts smiling with his whole face and starts jumping up and down while holding the crib with a death grip.
... when my client listens to my stress while i listen to theirs.
... when a client tells me that i made their day, week, month or year.
... when someone tells me i look nice or cute
... if someone tells me they look up to me
... if my husband calls me by name
... that i get to be a mother in this life.
... that my husband lets me sit down after work with my feet up and watch t.v. and play on the computer for hours without complaining (on the outside, lol)
... when the weather is nice and i can be outside to enjoy it
... when i'm at home
... that my husband and i are sealed in the temple and to our son. That we are an eternal family. If you want to know how you can have an eternal family too. start here: http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/
... when my dog eagerly greets me at the door when i come home
... when my cat wants a snuggle at night. even though i just want to go to sleep.
... that courtney chose us after you all prayed for her to.
... when i'm with my parents and siblings, their spouses and kids. we can be doing nothing or something, the outcome is the same. joy.
... that i have continued to grow and mature every day. thankful i'm not who i was when i was younger forever. i like age, it comes with wisdom.
... after i've showered but i hate doing it. lol
... after a GREAT meal
... when i get to see what new thing evan has to show me, daily.
... after having a great girl talk with someone i know really gets me and enjoys me with out pointing out my flaws.
... when i have a clean house (doesn't' happen much anymore)
... anytime i talk to my mom and am grateful i get to have her in my life.
... when i think about all the people that love my son.
... when i get to go swimming and or get a tan. i love the sun.
... when i day dream.
... after i think of the many things i'd still like to do and be in my life. i really need to put pen to paper on that one!
... singing or even just listening to the music i like
... when i see or read what makes my friends happy (sorry but all the negative stuff... yikes!!!! except you dan, yours is hilarious. seriously lol)
... if i plan my day and accomplish everything on the list
... when my liquid eyeliner goes on perfect!
... after going to church and getting to participate in the lesson/s that day
... when i think about my childhood.
... when i think about the childhood i'd like to create for my children
... when i think that i could have childREN (more than one. smile)
... that i get to live in middle tennessee
... that i get to visit southern california
... when i learn something new

I got started thinking about what really makes me happy. These are only "a few" but I hope I will think of many more. My life is simple. I love my little family and my relationship with my belief in a Father in Heaven that have got me to and get me through EVERYTHING in my life so far. Thanks Cherilyn for your post that inspired me to write what I love and am so grateful for. These things truly make me happy. There are things that make me unhappy but I tried not to list that stuff. I don't want to dwell on it or offend anyone. I hope all you blog stalkers out there will re-post this idea on your blogs when you have time. If you don't have a blog, I encourage you to write a list of things that make you purely happy. Keep it in a bible or journal or drawer and visit it often to enjoy your life. This was very therapeutic for me tonight. I'll try to revisit it too.
x's and o'ses. good night. ;)

Mischief Maker

it's skate time! lauren r's b-day party right now.

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stuff i missed posting at the end of 9 months and beginning of 10...

The rainbow of yesterday. ;)

"What's out there? Oh, I see my brother! MOM! It's Smokey!!!"

Waiting for 'Aunt' Cammie to pick me up to babysit/play with me all day. Love you Brown Family!

The beginnings of getting around and pulling up on EVERYthing.

Another view of a previous post to show Evan's JOY at riding in the shopping cart at Kroger.

Showing off my bigness as I man handle this toy.

Falling in love with guitar at an early age.

Meghan's run through for her wedding. ;) blackmail! lol

Visiting Aunt Nanci's classroom at Mt.View Elem. Uncle Matt making sure I don't fall (may have put this one up already but here's the cuteness twice). ;)

michael and evan visiting me at my shop. perfect view. ;)

some sock/shoes i found at t.j. maxx that i LOVE for evan. i want more. i forget the names of them. maybe skidders? or something. i can find out if you want to know. they have cute girl ones too.

random: an unasked for gift at our wedding 12 + years ago that ALMOST went in the yard sale but... we couldn't. we love it, even if we haven't been using the cookie jar that much.

i started a new blog that i haven't announced but here it is: http://www.mulhollanddrivecrafts.blogspot.com/ (i've been told but didn't understand how to say 'here' and when you click it you go to where i want you to. don't bother telling me though. i'm a 'watch you then do it' not 'hear you then do it' kinda gal). Unfortunately i only mail in the U.S. as i'm not smart enough to figure out international postage etc. I hope you love it and want to order stuff from me. the above picture of the bib was made for a friends friend. :)

The pictures are random but the life and changes are wonderful. ;)

Swinging

This was from almost 2 weeks ago after Evan's Dr.'s appointment at a park at Centennial park in Nashville. Evan first tried out swinging in California at his sealing. This was only his second time swinging, he is in love with swinging. I'm afraid when he's older he will flip over the top from pumping too hard. ;) I'm getting ready for broken bones and scull fractures. :(

10 MONTHS OLD

The official picture with his alligator! Can you tell we feed the kid? ;)

playing 'trash can'. do you want to play too? lol.

end of day one at our yard sale, evan's napping in our garage on his 10month old b-day! ;)

our first yard sale EVER! whoo hoo!

It's only been a month since my last report yet I find myself saying AGAIN, 'Where has the time gone!?" Yikes. This baby is a manic. There is a comparison Evan's Great Aunt Barbara (the one in Tennessee, he has one in California too) made this weekend. She lovingly said he's like holding a 'Wild Cat"! LOL! It's SO true, he's feral! He does not stop moving or jumping which we love but reality is, he definitely keeps on our toes because of his activity. :) We hope you enjoy the newest pictures and details of Evan's current goings on...

Weighs about 22-23 pounds by now

29inches tall as of 9month check up

Usually gets an 8oz bottle 3-4 times a day but lately really only wants one 3 times a day

Also eats a lot of table food but honestly with both of us working, I haven't focused on this as well as I could. Had homemade Pizza today for the first time and loved it.

Naps usually twice a day

Goes to sleep at night easier and faster if loosely swaddled but can go to sleep without

Sleeps from 8pmish-830amish

Wakes up smiling, standing in his crib and jumping

Loves playing in his room by himself

Favorite toys: Daddy's guitar, Plastic shapes blocks and box, necklace teether, WALKER, squirt toys in bath tub and diaper bag (thanks for letting me steal your idea for in the diaper bag Vivian!), Trash can, Bedroom door and Dog/Cats water bowl...

Things Evan gets in trouble for: playing in the dog/cats water!!!! ;) and pulling cd's off the shelves

Clicks his tongue to entertain himself

Starting to sort of cuddle? lol.

Crawls on his knees almost exclusively (as opposed to 'scooting' on his belly) to get around

See's no obstacles and pulls up on anything in his way, just mows through it. ;)

Likes books and being read to

Very 'attached' right now, will cry when we leave the room

Daddy says Evan is a "Mama's Boy" but that's cause he's jealous I'm better at this than him. lol tee hee

Things to look forward to coming up: In October we'll be going to see Evan's birth mommie Courtney (who also goes by Brooke)! We are totally looking forward to this, it's the most exciting of all the fun things they have coming up. Our friends the Smith's will be going with us during their visit from Texas. We are going to Gulf Shores again with Michael's Parents and Brother's family. My parents may visit this fall and last but not least, we are planning to have a California Christmas, whoo hoo! I think Evan will finally get to meet my sister Carlyn and we'll get to be with the whole family before my youngest brother Isaac goes on his 2 year mission for our church (he doesn't have his call yet but will in the next couple months). We can't wait to see how big his cousins, his age have gotten. Hopefully Evan will surely be walking by then and they can all clobber each other. LOL.

one day down...

...one more to go. it's been great! ;) I'm gonna search my house for more to put out tomorrow!

don't u

want this vintage record player? u can have it if u come to our yard sale! lot's of customers this morning. whew. but we need more!! ;)

the gush.

daddy and evan at my shop on saturday. ;) eeeeek. these are especially for grandma karla who loves baby feet. he he.

this kid. he is all ours let me tell you. lately i have been struggling with my patience of being a day laborer AND a mommy. i digress: all my life, i literally dreamed of being a mother. it's all i ever wanted which is why in h.s. when everyone was applying for college, i was confused. can you study 'mother' or 'stay at home mommy' or 'homemaker' at the university? i didn't realize then, the many subjects (any subject) i could have taken to prepare myself for such a role. because, trust me, the stay at home (sahm's) moms i know are very intelligent whether they 'only' have a h.s. diploma or left a lucrative career to stay at home, they can surely hold their own. anyway, my point is from an early age, i wanted to be, and learned the gift a full time mom, in my home with my children would be. as the time for parenthood lingered, i realized having an education and career before that point would be a blessing and gift to my family. that was my plan... an education in something i loved (and am dang good at, i might add) and a lucrative career after a full education in it. well, as many of you know, the babies didn't come when we started trying in March of 1999. as days, months then years passed with no children, i decided my approach would be to excel as much as i could at my career until we were blessed with the 'pitter patter' of little feet. it was difficult but i did my best hoping it would be worth it in the end (it has been). in the process of working so hard for my future family, i didn't realize how IN LOVE and devoted i would become to my new friends aka; the client. now it is a very guilty feeling to leave a great career to go after the 'career' i always dreamed of. . . . so back to the point in my random, round about way... ;) (you know you're entertained. lol)... i have been feeling 'down' lately. the reality of your child at home or with your trusted friend who babysits him is depressing!!! i thought i could take one for the team by working for a while till i could bow out gracefully. ;)... in the mean time, this is what i miss at home: a 'little' boy who grows by the minute (body and brains), crawling now, pulling up on everything to stand, tantrums when you pulls his toy away, inhaling his bottle or not finishing it depending on the day/sitting, experimenting with food (had mac n cheese and angel hair shrimp alfredo, minus the shrimp, this week and LOVED it!), planning what's next, kissing him, hugging him, loving him, thanking God for him!...

so, each day i am grateful for a full book of clients/friends at work but each day i feel the heartache and yearning to be at home full time. we are working on a solution but it's not happening tomorrow, so you know. as the time quickly approaches for the chance for us to re-apply for adoption in mid-october, it is exciting and stressful. surely i will being staying at home by the time we have another baby right? ;0) we will see. it will happen, when and if the time is right.

for now, we are looking forward to what life brings us. we appreciate the gifts God has given us. we are grateful for adoption and know evan was sent specifically for us to raise, as your biological children were sent to you. our love for him is as real as your children or even your spouse who is not blood related to you. our bond is as tight as a root of a tree to the earth and our relationship is special because we share all of this with all of you. evan and any other children are given are the greatest gifts we will ever receive physically in this life. i cannot wait to see what evan does next or what his first real words will be or when he walks by himself. we gush. we feel lucky to have been chosen to parent especially to parent our little tasmanian. thank you for all your love and compliments. we want you to know how much joy it brings us to have our little 'angel' play with you and with your little angels and be part of the parenting crowd, making our rookie mistakes but waving our victorious flag anyway. :0)

i just had to blog it out even if it didn't quite make sense. sometimes i get sensitive about what people say and think about 'adoption' in general and want to know whether you are 'bonding' etc. (yes people ask that question! can you imagine them asking you that about your biological child? "so, sally, it's so great, it seems billy's really bonding to you"!!! they mean WELL but it's... off, you know?). so through this post, that was on my mind too. i'd say more but don't want to scare anyone. lol. ;) anyway, i will finally stop babbling and sign off. thank you for listening/reading and thank you for your friendship. xoxo Lila

Adoption Yard & Bake Sale

sooo.... after trying to get ready for next weekends sale I admit I am in way over my head. I need help! ;) I'm not sure I have enough stuff & only have michael & my friend beth (to help on wed, sorting) so please please please tell me u wanna help at the crack of dawn the 14th & 15th. ;) also thanks to 'cory' who donated a couch & dresser to the yard sale! don't forget you too can donate your old stuff or homebaked goods to our cause. accepting till wednesday! ;) lila

This is what Evan's day was like today.

My friend Liz watches my baby son when I'm at work 3 days a week. She is saintly and a wonderful mother. Today I got home from work and checked into the ol' computer to find this, titled "This is what I've been doing today ;)":

Not only does she watch my Evan (on left) but baby Kate (on right), her own 2yr old Hayden, in the middle but she's pregnant with her second boy due in December! That means, she's 'actually

helping 4 kids in this picture! ;) Liz is a great friend/neighbor and 'sister' to me. I am grateful for the service she has provided our family in babysitting Evan for us for so long. We will miss her when she stops watching Evan to concentrate on her growing family, in November. We love you Liz! Thank you, photographer Stephen for your skills. ;)

Adoption Yard Sale!

ADOPTION YARD and BAKE SALE

Friday August 14th 2009

and

Saturday August 15th

7:00am - 12pm

We are having our first Yard and Bake Sale AND it will benefit the cost of our next adoption!

Beginning in October when Evan turns 1, we will be eligable to apply again for adoption through our agency. We are so excited and will appreciate your prayers that we could be chosen within 2 years hopefully. (we like to be specific. he he he). Our agency requires the money saved before your application process is completed. Agency and private adoptions in the U.S. can cost between $5,000 and $40,000 depending on a variety of factors including services provided, travel expenses, birthmother expenses, requirements in the state and other factors. While we have some savings, as we learned with Evan's Adoption, more is needed.

We will be asking for and accepting item donations for us to sell in our sale. So please go through your house and think of us before you throw out your old stuff. Any volunteers are welcomed also ;)! lol. (remember, I've never done this before. Yes Katrina, I know you would help if you lived here and wish you did!). If you are interested in donating, we will be collecting them on Wednesday, August 12, 2009 and you can email us at www.lilaandmichael@yahoo.com, also if you want directions.

We would love if anyone wants to donate homemade baked goods too. ;) There will also be bottled water for sale and possibly a lemonade stand! cute!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No babies were hurt in the making of this video... I promise. ;)

I left evan in the other room while getting something and heard him whine, when I came in, this is what a saw. I knew he was fine, just 'stuck' in the 'toy basket' and quickly grabbed the camera. It was SOOOOOO worth it! He is getting into everything now. I just can't stop him so I'm glad I have this video to remind him later of what he was like at 9 months old. lol. ;) Please forgive me for not getting him out right away but I was just having too much fun.

VOTE FOR ME!!!

It's time for Rutherford County's, 15th Annual "Ruthie Awards" and I'm nominated!! I would love your vote so please go to the link provided and hook me up for fun. ;)http://www.ruthiesawards.com/category/76/default.aspx?page=4