One year ago today...

... Our caseworker 'emailed' us (enough said) to inform us that the little African American girl that we had been chosen to adopt and was due that day... "looks like it is't going to happen". This was understandably devastating news to both of us. I sat on my couch, staring at the ready bassinet we had brought down from the attic and lovingly cleaned and prepared for our baby that we expected to be born at any moment. I flashed back to all the prayers of my own and others and all the faith and trust we put in Heavenly Father that 'she' would be ours. We were ready to name her when we got her, when it was real. I crocheted her a blanket in pink/green variegated cammo colors and bought her some clothes for the first week we would have to be in Georgia. I dreamed about her life as she grew in my heart. I anticipated the challenges of being white parents with a black child but it didn't matter to us. We knew she would be a child of God and it doesn't matter what our children's' skin color is. If others tried to make an issue of it, we felt confident in what we would have to say. The comments about adoption alone were crazy enough. Anyway, in the midst of the sadness and loss, we felt peace. We prayed immediately for peace and for understanding. Even though we don't know what happened or why Charmaine, the birth mother did not place her child with us, we were O.K. We also prayed immediately that wherever this little girl was, she would be a joy to her family and an example of goodness. We prayed she would be special and make a difference for herself and her family. After all, she had people all over the United States and other countries, praying for her and that couldn't be for nothing. So here's to you, our almost little girl, on maybe your birthday... We love you. We pray for you and hope you are healthy and happy. We pray that your mommy is too and is grateful every day that she kept you.
Adoption: It's About Love.